


I'd Rather Kiss a Wookie

by evieva



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alien Planet, Boys Kissing, Developing Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Wow, klance, star wars mention, this thing is nearly 9000 words and I can't think of anything to tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 07:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7926025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evieva/pseuds/evieva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance is extremely bored. The crew is stuck on some random planet until the Castle is repaired and Lance has absolutely nothing to do. He gets permission from Princess Allura to go for a ride in his lion on the condition that he brings a partner. And since everyone else is busy fixing the ship, who does Lance have no choice but to go with? His esteemed rival Keith, of course. </p><p>Adventure/lots of adventure/light kissing/mostly fluff??/this gets pretty gay</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Rather Kiss a Wookie

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my, if you follow me on tumblr you would have known this was coming...and holy god is it LONNGGGG...I raised this thing from 2,000 words to close to 9,000 in a matter of a few days...why am I like this....
> 
> also, I'm not sure how to tag it, but I'd like to add there is an alien pimp dungeon? it's like jabba's palace--it's not bad I swear
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy, and I apologize for any grammar mistakes or anything...I sure hope there aren't any I read over this a 1000 times....
> 
> Also there is a bonus at the end cause this isn't long enough lmao

“Can we do something yet?”

“No--the main’s not fixed yet.”

Lance groaned, rolling over onto his back. He had been laying on the main deck’s floor for hours waiting for the main controls to be repaired so they could do something. Maybe kick a few Galra’s off a planet in distress. But no--they were stuck waiting for Pidge, Hunk, and Coran to finish.

“Allura…” Lance whined, “I can’t take this anymore! Can I at least go fly my lion?”

Princess Allura let out a sigh, turning to face Lance. “If you must--but our location is unknown since the main controls are damaged. Be wary while you’re out--the Galra may be close.”

“Sweet!” The blue paladin stood, turning to leave on his merry way.

“But,” Allura raised an eyebrow, making Lance freeze in his tracks. “You must bring a partner with you.”

“Aw, what!” Lance fussed, slouching. “Everyone’s busy fixing the controls--can’t I just _go_ ? I’ll be _fine._ ”

“Safety is a precaution I, for one, cannot go without,” Allura started, “The last time you went out on your own with your lion it was stolen. We can’t afford a repeat of that.”

“Well, great--what do I do now?” Lance swung his arms, dramatically hunching his back in disappointment. Everyone was busy fixing the ship, and Lance doubted he could get Shiro to go along. The black paladin would just immediately put down the _idea_ of going out since it’d be ‘too dangerous’ and ‘reckless’. “There’s no one who will go with me…”

“Keith is in the training arena,” Pidge cut in, lifting herself out from under the control panel, “you could ask him.”

“Okay--remember when I said ‘no one will go with me’? I meant there’s no one who I would _want_ to go with me who’s not _busy_ !” Lance groaned, laying back down on the floor where he started. He sighed, listening to the tinkering sounds Pidge made that had been going on for _ever_. Maybe he’d just nap here instead. Or go out and explore with Keith.

“Why would I wanna go with him…” Lance mumbled wiping a hand down his face. Lance sighed again, this time, louder making Pidge dropped her tool. Allura looked between the two of them with concern as an agitated aura arose from the green paladin.

More mundane sounds passed the time, and every second that went by felt longer and longer. A little quest with the red paladin would be better than this, right?

Lance whined as he rolled onto his side, as though that would get him attention. It did, but not the attention he desired.

“Lance!” Pidge slammed her tool on the ground, “Go get Keith and have some _bonding time_!”

“Alright, alright, fine! _Whatever!_ Anything to get me out of this boring ship…” Lance stood and stalked out of the room.

“Great!” Pidge adjusted her glasses. “Now I can have some peace and _quiet_.”

 

* * *

 

Lance dragged himself to the training room, sighing as the door slid open. “‘Why don’t you ask _Keith_?’ Yeah, great idea...let’s ask Mr. Mullet...” He muttered to himself.

When Lance stepped inside the room, he saw that, indeed, Keith was sparring with the robot. He watched him parry an attack, then swing his weight right to counter it. From what the brunet knew about Keith’s abilities, it looked like he was improving. Though he’d never admit that to the swordsman.

It was then that Lance saw a good opportunity to interrupt.

“Hey, Keith!”

Keith looked back with wide eyes, just distracted enough to be hit from behind and fall to the floor, defeated. Lance burst out laughing. He didn’t say it was a polite opportunity.

“Lance--what the hell? What’s going on?” Keith rubbed the back of his head where it hit the floor. Lance approached him, offering a hand as the robot shut down.

“Just wondered if you wanted to come for a quick ride with me?” The brunet asked, shrugging the black haired to his feet with a quick tug. “Everyone else is busy fixing the ship and I’m about ready to die from boredom.”

“Is it okay?” Keith asked, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow. Lance tried not to stare.

“Don’t be such a goody-goody--it’ll be a fast run, nothing big.” Lance turned to leave the training room, assuming that Keith would follow him.

When the blue paladin exited the room, he was pleased to hear Keith behind him. “Where are we going?”

“We’re just--going around, you know? Not too far.”

“Do you _know_ where we’re going?”

Lance stopped and whipped around to look at Keith. The red paladin had his jacket slung over his shoulder, a cup of fizzy Altean water in his hand, and a skeptical look on his face. Lance regarded him with a raised eyebrow, pursing his lips. “Does it _matter_?”

Keith looked as though he were contemplating this. “Kinda.” He concluded, with an unconvincing shrug.

“Well--it doesn’t. We’re gonna look around. It’ll be fine.” Lance continued walking.

“Why do you want _me_ to come along with you anyway?”

“I was kind of left with no choice since everyone else is busy,” Lance told him as they rounded a corner.

“I _was_ doing something, you know,” Keith stated, bluntly.

“Nothing important,” Lance grinned, shrugging. Keith scoffed, taking a drink of his water. They entered their lion’s chambers in silence.

...

When they were outside the Castle of Lions, a lot of what they saw outside was what they could already see inside--purple trees. Miles of extremely tall, purple trees. This wouldn’t be very interesting, Lance thought.

“So--which way are we going?” Keith’s voice came over the radio.

“Not sure--let’s go straight.”

“Very specific.”

“Yeah, whatever!” Lance said, defensively. “Just follow me, if you don’t know where you’re going!”

Keith didn’t respond as the blue lion stepped forward, slowly crawling under the canopy of trees. It was a presumed night time on this planet, although it never looked any brighter by what was supposed to be day. The tree’s leaf color did change though--it turned pinker in the ‘daytime’, but that was the only hint of time difference on this world. This planet orbited a moon similar to Earth’s, except this moon was _much_ larger and created its own light. It was interesting to see.

Suddenly, a rush of red blew past Lance’s lion. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what it was--although it did startle Lance.

“Hey, Keith! Where are you going!?”

“Wanna have a race?”

Lance raised his brow. “To _where_?”

“There’s a canyon ahead--can you see it?” Lance checked his radar and saw that, indeed, there was a canyon.

“Alright, you’re on.” Lance moved his lion next to Keith’s. “We’ll go on three. One...two...”

Before he even said three, Lance took off without warning.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Keith seethed over the intercom, the red lion quickly taking off in a run behind Lance. The blue paladin’s face split into a grin.

Lance cackled, “It’s not cheating if it’s in space!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” The red lion leaped off the thick trunk of a tree, jumping after the blue lion who just took a sharp right. The tree sunk sideways into the ground.

“Oh, don’t be bitter.” Lance teased, turning left through a small opening of trees. “Just try to keep up!”

They chased each other beneath the trees, the light that streamed in from between the branches and leaves reflected off the metal of their lions with a lunar glow. The forest was beautiful if you were into that sort of thing. There were probably nice sounds to hear and exquisite sights to see. It would have made a nice place to go on a romantic walk with a pretty girl. But Lance was not on a walk with a pretty girl. He was on the run from a pretty boy. And not the good kind. Nope.

The red lion pounced off its back feet, gaining on the blue lion, much to Lance’s dismay.  Lance grunted, taking another right. A short cut, if his map was right.

He looked to his radar again to find how far back Keith was and saw nothing--had he lost him? No, probably not--so where was he?

Lance emerged from the trees and saw the canyon with his eyes for the first time. And Keith was nowhere in sight. Where the hell was the guy? Did he give up? “Well, I wouldn’t put it past him, right? The blue lion _is_ superior to the re--”

Suddenly something rushed out from above the trees behind him, sending an alert in front of Lance’s face. Something was right above him. And that something was sailing to the finish line.

Lance urged his lion to somehow go faster--even a little bit. It was no use, though. His lion was at top speed, so unless he flew, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Maybe that idea wasn’t too out of the way.

It was too late to rethink anything now, for Keith’s lion skidded to a stop in front of the cliff, winning the race with a short celebratory ‘woohoo’. Well, _his_ race. Lance decided to win a different race by declaring (in his head) the finish line was _over_ the cliff. And that’s what his lion ran for. It jumped the canyon, activating its flight jets and landing safely on the other side.

“Ha! Winner!” Lance boasted loudly over the headset.

“Hey, we said _to the cliff,_ not _over the cliff_!” Keith bellyached.

“No, I don’t think so--we didn’t say any specifics,” Lance grinned, crossing his arms braggartly. “You just mentioned there was a canyon, and we raced, and I won by jumping over it.”

“But we didn’t set that rule!” The red paladin replied, in that special exasperated way he has. The one that makes his voice go up an octave. “I won!”

“Pfft, no way.” Lance shrugged, re-taking his controls. “Anyway, do you see that over there? Just beyond that ridge?”

Keith was quiet for a second, then said, “It...looks like a city…”

“Do...you wanna check it out?”

“What? No way--you said we were only going for a run.”

The blue lion began to tiptoe in the direction of the ridge. “Can we just look?”

“No, we’re going back.”

The blue lion took a few more steps, “Are you sure…?” Lance elongated the last word into the silence that followed, waiting expectantly for an answer. He was hoping the silence would lead to a ‘yes’ because he definitely didn’t want to go back to the Castle of Lions yet. He’d just get bored again.  

The quiet finally ended when Keith said, “We stay in our lions and not be seen, got it?”

“Yes!” Lance took off for the ridge, the red lion not far behind.

When they reached the ridge, they snuck around the side to get a look. A city built on the side of the elevated earth, climbing it like a staircase, could be seen. Lance wanted to say something about how that probably wasn’t the best place to build a city, but he was too in awe of it. Of all the planets that had previously been on, this one had the biggest and most advanced civilization the blue paladin had seen so far. It kind of reminded him of the big cities on earth, which made him want to go in for a closer look.

Before his lion could take a single step, Keith stopped him. “We’re not getting any closer.”

“Oh, c’mon. I didn’t even say anything!” Lance whined.

“You didn’t have to. I know you well enough to know what you’re planning.”

“And yet you didn’t know the rule was to _jump_ the canyon, Mr. Know-It-All.”

“That was _never_ a rule!” Keith clicked his tongue, obviously peeved at how much Lance could get under his skin. “Nevermind, let’s go. Shiro’s probably worried.”

“We’ve only been out for, maybe ten ticks! Can’t we just go a little closer?” The blue paladin begged.

“Oh, it’s definitely been more than _ten ticks_ .” Keith laughed dryly. “Let’s. _Go._ ”

“Fine, you can go. I’m moving closer.” Without letting Keith get in another word, Lance commanded his lion forward, keeping low in the tall grass that surrounded the ridge.

“Lance!” Keith hissed into the microphone.

“Can’t hear you…” Lance sang. Keith groaned and Lance smiled cause he knew the red paladin was right behind him.

They came up until they were about a half-mile from the city, then Lance stopped. He looked through his lion’s eyes and zoomed in on the edge of the city. The first thing he noticed was that it was wide open--anything could come and go as it pleased, including ships. The second thing he noticed was there was no sign of Galra anything. Third--the people who _were_ walking in and out looked a hell of a lot like humans. From what Lance could see, they had human ears, human stature, human-like clothing. In fact, the only thing that was weird about them was they were colored like rainbows. A girl he was looking at was entirely yellow--like dandelions. Her hair, her skin, her clothes--definitely weird.

“What are we doing? Can we go now?” Keith came in over the intercom.

“Hang on--do you see this?”

Keith was quiet, looking at what Lance was. “They...look human…”

“Yeah, but she’s _yellow_.” Lance pointed out. “And _he’s_ green! And those two are _pink_! Does that look threatening to you?”  
  
“Well, no not re--wait, why? Lance, we’re not going any closer than this. We can’t until the princess says it’s okay.” Keith warned. “Things might not be as they appear, you know?”

“Yeah, but, we’re _legendary defenders_ of the _universe_ ,” Lance said, dismissing the scope. “They’re _bound_ to be friendly to us. It’s in our title, after all.”

“Our title? Voltron?”

“No! _Universe!_ You know, like-- _universal_? Known throughout the universe?” Lance readied his lion to get closer by raising it up out of the grass. “Let’s just go look around. Lay-low a bit, walk-in, and walk-out. We’ll be back before Hunk can fix dinner.”

“Promise?”

Lance raised an eyebrow, “What are you, twelve? Sure, I promise!”

“Fine. One walk.”

...

They settled their lions where other space shuttles and ships were being parked and started on their journey into the city. It was rocky outside of it, gray stones crunched beneath their feet as they walked. This again reminded Lance of Earth--of the similar man-made parking areas that could be found around where he lived.

It wouldn't be right to deny that this little trek was driven by nostalgia. Lance wanted more than anything to be back home to see his family and play in the dirt with his siblings. But since he was kind of part of the most important team of space heroes, for the moment, there was no way he could go home.

So finding something relatively similar to it could maybe ease the straining in his gut. Maybe.

When they made it to the entrance of the city, the moon shone through the archway, blinding them for a moment. Damn, even if it was just a fluorescent moon it sure was bright.

The brightness died out behind a building and Lance was able to open his eyes once more. The inside of the city was more impressive than he had predicted outside. It looked just like a modern city on earth. Every building was made to be a different color, and Lance couldn't help but notice a huge blue building right at the center of the city. The blue paladin pointed at it wiggled his eyebrows in Keith’s direction, subtly suggesting it was a shrine for him. Keith just rolled his eyes.

Now that he was inside, Lance could see lots of people too. They were all colored in various shades of yellow, orange, green, and pink. Not a lot of red and blue, Lance noticed. In fact, there were none at all roaming the streets. And maybe it was for that reason that they were getting weird looks.

“Hey, Keith--do you get the feeling people are looking at us?” Lance whispered, not looking behind him. When no answer came, he said, “Keith?”

He turned around in the large crowd of people only to find that his companion was nowhere in sight.

_Oh quiznak…_

 

* * *

 

Keith struggled against the tight grips holding his arms behind his back--he wiggled and pulled, his protests muffled by a gag, but the two big guys combined were stronger than he was. They were both colored in deep gray, and Keith figured out that the pigment of their skin was only paint. For what reason, he wasn't quite sure yet, but he couldn't think about it much. He was more concerned with where he was being taken.

When Keith was grabbed, he'd lost his helmet, so there was no way to tell Lance what was happening. He couldn't reach his bayard in time to fight back, so he hoped that blue buffoon would notice he was gone sooner rather than later, otherwise he might never find him. The red paladin was dragged down a dimly lit alleyway, far away from the sounds of the bustling city. He was forced to his knees suddenly.

“So...you dare to walk so gallantly amongst the civil people still wearing _that_ abominable shade, hm?” Someone said--a deep voice, scraggly with age. Keith pushed himself to look up to see who his captor was. A stocky man painted a deep purple with long dreadlocks cascading down his shoulders. He had a cold stare, but it was somehow colder when he smiled down at Keith. “You’re prettier than I thought.” He made a gesture, and with a stinging hit to the back of his head, Keith was out cold.

...

“Okay, he dropped his helmet here…” Lance was retracing his steps, trying to figure out where exactly he'd lost Keith. Though that feat was made far more difficult by the amount of people rushing about.

The blue paladin tried to think. Had Keith wandered off? He probably wouldn't have left his helmet laying around if that was the case… _so he was kidnapped!?_ But who would wanna do that? Was it the Galra? If so, where would they have taken him?

“P-pardon me, sir…” A shaky voice said next to Lance, and he looked down to see a short, orange girl. She had a thicker figure, two braids laying on her shoulders, and was covered in orange freckles. She looked around very nervously, as though she'd get in trouble for talking to the blue paladin.

“U-um… hi?” Lance tried, giving her a confused smile. She gasped, looking down at her feet as though she'd just been scolded.

“I-I just wanted to tell you...y-your s-slave was um…stolen…” She played with her chubby fingers, absolutely refusing to look at Lance directly. This was getting more awkward by the second.

“My... _slave…_ ” Lance repeated trying to think of who she could've been talking about. “You mean, Keith?”

She jumped again, as though every word the blue paladin said was a slap in the face. “T-the...red boy that was following you...your..slave?”

Something wasn't clicking. Slave...Keith…these two words did not mean _remotely_ the same thing in Lance’s book. They were like comparing a banana to a book. The only similarity to those things is that they both start with ‘b’--and as for this ‘slave’ orange girl was talking about, the only similarity they had to Keith was the ‘red’ part.

“U-um...forgive me if I'm wrong...it's just...I don't think it right for you to lose your property in such a way…” Orange girl continued to baffle Lance with her words. “I just thought I could help.”

“So...so let me get this straight…” Lance started, still piecing a few things together. “You think... _Keith_ is my _slave_ …”

“Well...I can't think of much else such a distasteful color could be used for...is he your pet?”

Lance burst out laughing, scaring the girl once more. This just kept getting better and better. “My pet! That's a good one!”

“W-would you like me to get the police to return him to you? I'm sure you have a lot of business to attend to back in Central…” She suggested, shyly.

“Naw, don't worry about it. I'm up for a little adventure.” Lance was beginning to grasp the situation a little bit better. If he was assuming right, colors in this city had ranks. Blue was the highest ranking color and red was the lowest. Maybe he could use this privilege to his advantage. “Did you see where they took him? Who it was?”

“Oh...I thought you were already aware! Forgive my negligence in sharing my knowledge!” She bowed low.

“Your negligence is forgotten--just tell me what you know. I've never been to such a...lowly part of this city…” Maybe Lance was getting a little too used to this, but why waste such a great opportunity?

  
...

 _So they're here, are they?_ Lance reached the outside of a rickety looking building and put his hands on his hips. The orange girl, who is known as Sunny, said that the Purple Panderers brought all their new ‘red toys’ here for higher ranking colors to rent out.

The blue paladin was a huge ball of contradicting emotions. One part of him was super skeptical about just how bad these pimps were. The Purple Panderers? _Seriously_ ? It was like a name from a bad movie or something. But according to Sunny, they were taken _very_ seriously around here, so, another part of him was scared to even _dare_ enter such a place. He'd never dealt with people like this before--only seen what they _could_ be like in movies. Which was probably a far reach.

The other parts of him were battling on how he should feel about Keith being called his slave. He felt like he should totally gloat and laugh about it, but he also thought it best to wait until they were out of this situation.

On ‘out of this situation’--Lance didn't exactly know what he should do to get Keith back. Maybe he could explain it was all a misunderstanding and they could leave before Allura got too hectic. Or maybe just demand his ‘slave’ back--they can't exactly say _no_ , can they?

But, upon entering the Panderer’s Palace, he knew any plan he had was out the window with a shatter.

As soon as he was seen, he was bombarded with greetings as though his presence was expected. There were several red ‘slaves’ adorned with jewelry that laid across a pile of big, fluffy pillows, but none of them were Keith, much to Lance’s dismay. A quick grab and run would make his day so much easier.

“Hello, my liege…” A purple woman bowed, before him. Her long, lavender tinted hair was French braided, and she wore a skin tight dress with a deep v-neck that trailed all the way to her belly-button. “May I assist you in your pleasure?”

Lance’s eyes widened as he felt his cheeks go red. He raised his finger to say something, but all that came out was a weird giggle. He cleared his throat, remembering why he was there. He grasped at his feigned, rich-guy composure, and said, “No, not today, I'm afraid. However, I am going to need to speak with Amaranth.”

At the mention of this name, Lance felt the entire building freeze. A few red individuals glanced up at him from where they lounged on large pillows, only to look back down immediately. The blue paladin swallowed harshly, trying not to freak out on what that could mean.

The purple woman stood straight, her blank expression unreadable. “Do you have business with our Sultan?”

“Um…yes I do…I'm here to... _reclaim_ what is rightfully mine.” Lance started, moving his hands with exaggerated gestures. “He has stolen my slave, and I demand him back.”

“What is your name?” She questioned, raising a clipboard and pen.

“Uhhh...Lance…” He tried to think of a fake, yet convincing last name fast, “Blue…”

“‘Blue’?” She raised a brow, not impressed.

“...blood! Blueblood! Lance Blueblood.” Lance tried for a confident look. If Keith were with him, it'd be a baffled look and a disbelieving whack in the head. _Blueblood!? What kind of obviously fake--_

“Blueblood? Bagheera Blueblood is a regular guest here, but I've never seen you before--are you a relative of the Blueblood’s?”

Oh. Well, if Keith _were_ here and he _did_ say all that, Lance would give him a high-and-mighty look.

Although, for some reason, the fact that Blueblood was a _known_ name made it worse. The blue paladin would have to pretend to know somebody he so very much did not, and it could end in disaster much quicker.

Lance felt sweat trickle down the back of his neck. His paladin suit wasn't usually this hot. Very breathable. But these circumstances seemed to be banishing the typical ventilation to his skin. “I... _am_ a distant cousin to Bagheera...I was just on my way to see him when I ran into _this_ inconvenience. And I'd like to be on my way again. _As soon as possible._ ”

“Certainly, my liege.” The purple woman bowed low once more before gesturing him to follow her. “Though I must warn you--once the Sultan has something, he’ll never give it back.”

Lance gave an awkward smile. “I'm sure I can persuade him…”

...

 

Lance was grateful this pimp palace was not like in the movies on earth where every steamy display was out in the open. Though you could hear it, it was extremely muffled. Maybe Hollywood ought to pay closer attention.

There were many locked doors down a long hallway. As they walked, motion activated lights flicked on, making the hallway seem endless. The purple woman stopped at a door, though Lance couldn't figure out how she could tell one from the other. None of them were labeled and they were all painted the same dull violet.

She knocked twice, “Rusty?” Without waiting for a reply, she opened to door. Lance did his best not to look inside, just in case. “Do you know if the Sultan’s in?”

“Yes, he is in his chambers right now, I believe,” Rusty responded.

“Thank you.” She shut the door. “This way, please.” This was definitely going smoother than Lance thought it would. Maybe these were reasonable people.

The purple lady brought Lance to the end of the hallway where a set of doors awaited them. She knocked what seemed to be a secret knock, and the double doors were opened. A little elaborate, but still intimidating.

When they entered, the only thing Lance could think of suddenly was Star Wars.

There Keith was, painted red, wearing tons of jewelry around his neck along with some sort of fancy loincloth for clothing, a gag, and a not so happy expression. He was laying on his side at the feet of a huge, purple man with long dreadlocks. Lance could only assume this was Amaranth. It was just like that scene in Jabba’s palace--complete with a chain locked around Keith’s neck. The only thing that was lacking was the funky alien music, and Jabba himself. And of course Lance wouldn't be Luke--he'd be Han Solo. But only cause he was the coolest and suavest character. Not because Keith was Leia. Wait, why would he think that? It doesn't matter right now.

Keith’s eyes lit up upon seeing Lance walk in and the blue paladin had to hold his finger up to his lip to keep him quiet. The (literal) red paladin didn't seem to like that, but he resigned to himself despite it. It was also a way to keep Keith from distracting Lance anymore because--God--he had no idea Keith was so toned. Must’ve been all the previously-thought-useless training.

“What seems to be the problem, Judith?” Amaranth questioned. His voice was like a subwoofer.

“This is Lance Blueblood, my liege. He is a cousin to Bagheera Blueblood, and wishes his... _slave_ returned to him.” The purple lady, now known as Judith, explained.

“And who _is_ your slave, sir?” Amaranth asked, waving his hand to dismiss Judith. It took Lance a second to figure out he was addressing the paladin.

“Oh, um…” He cleared his throat, grasping at any remaining confidence he had. “He is actually at your feet, Sultan.”

Amaranth placed his boot on Keith, leaning forward in his chair. “ _This one_?” He questioned though it was more like a growl than speech. “This one is no slave, I assure you. He has too much gumption. My men could barely subdue him.” Speaking of men, a large number of Purple Panderers were gathering around the lounging area. Fantastic.

Lance let himself laugh, “That's because _I’m_ the only one he listens to.”

“Oh, really?” Amaranth leaned back in his seat, obviously not buying it. Lance wasn’t sure he was either. “Prove it then.” He pushed Keith down the few stairs that led to the lounging area where the paladin promptly got to his knees. He was huffing in loud breaths of air through his nose, obviously ready to blow up and kill the purple pimp behind him. Lance didn't blame him.

“‘Prove it’..?” The brunet tried to make the question sound impugnable; like _clearly_ there was no need for it. He even added a little scoff at the end. When, really? Keith would probably rather drink lava first than submit to _anything_ Lance told him to do. And if the situation was reversed, Lance would probably prefer the same thing. So, he tried his best not to revel in the situation.

“Yes, show me you're the only one who can control him, and I'll let you have him back.” Amaranth elaborated, smiling as though he’d won something.

Lance strolled down into the cockpit of comfy looking couches. When he chose one near Keith, he tried not to think about what could have happened on these couches. He, instead, whistled at the red paladin to ‘come here’.

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed like there was no way in hell he was going to do that. But Lance tried to reassure him with a ‘trust me’ sort of look and snap-glance at Amaranth who was watching intently. The black-haired paladin looked behind him, his breath still hissing hotly through his nose, then back at Lance. Maybe he was trying to decide which option was better--having them both killed or obeying Lance.

When it seemed like Keith would go for the former, he stood up and walked closer to the blue paladin; his chain jangling behind him all the way there.

“Can we get these chains off him?” Lance asked, “there's no need for them around me. Really, now.”

Keith squinted his eyes like _yes there is_ and Lance raised an eyebrow trying to get a message through to Keith’s thick skull; _if you'd just calm down, this'd be over in a minute._

Amaranth gestured to someone who stood at his side, and they pulled out a ring of keys. They removed the ones on Keith’s ankles and hands, but not the one tethered to his neck.

Lance spread his arms out dramatically, as though the fact that Keith standing still was an accomplishment. “There, you see? He listens to me. There's no need to keep us anymore.”

“So keen to leave...but I can imagine you can make him do _much_ more than just come to you, Blueblood.” Amaranth looked amused, to say the least. He now had a glass of purple liquid swirling in his hand. “Come now--surely you've trained him better than this?”

Keith tilted his head up to the ceiling, as though asking the God of this world _why, why, why..._ over and over. Lance was doing the same thing. How was he supposed to prove it? He was actually surprised when Keith _did_ obey his stupid _whistle_. Now he had to think of something else.

“Oh...well, yes of course.” Lance chuckled, hoping it didn't sound as nervous to everyone else in the room as it did in his head. Maybe Keith could think of something. “C’mon, now, K-Keith. Show them what I've taught you.”

Keith took a deep breath, not looking at anything but the carpeted floor. He was clearly trying to rope in any escaping emotion so he didn't go berserk. He reached up to his head, and the blue paladin could feel the tension in the room rise. What had Keith done to make them so wary? Lance knew he was crazy, but…

The tension fell when Keith merely removed the gag from his mouth. He took in a deep breath when it was off and let it out slowly. He then approached Lance, though the blue paladin was not certain for what intent. It was such a broad demand, Keith could do anything to him. Maybe Lance taught him how to choke someone to death--who knows?

But what Keith did never even crossed Lance’s mind as an option.

Keith pressed him back into the couch and straddled his lap. The red paladin placed his hands on blue paladin’s cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.

Lance’s breath hitched in his throat. His face was so hot it almost felt numb. It had been a long time since he had been kissed, and the last time was all the way back in middle school. Loose-Tooth Lucy, as she was called, kissed him in a game of truth or dare. But Keith was a lot different than Lucy. Firmer--more determined. Like he had practiced and planned for this moment. He tucked in and out against Lance’s lips, the uncertainty of a first kiss still radiating from both of them. It was awkward, it was effortful and, most important…

...it was nice…

Wait, wait, wait--this wasn't a real _kiss._ It was fake. For show. Plus, it was _Keith_ ! Lance wasn't supposed to think stuff like that. Nice? That's probably not what he really thought, right? It's his rival for God's sake! He meant to think totally gross, and occult and... _fantastic._

The tingle of the kiss was still fresh on the brunet’s lips as Keith suddenly pulled back, taking in sharp breaths. Lance couldn't tell if his own lungs were even still working but his heart was beating 100 miles a minute, so he wasn't dead. Keith didn't look him in the eye; he just leaned away and turned so that he was lounging across Lance’s lap. The brunet wished he wouldn't do that.

“Th-there, you see?” Lance took a shaky breath, unaware that his voice was breaking. “I-I've taught him well.”

A guttural laugh sounded throughout the room. “Wonderful!” Amaranth grinned, though it wasn't a nice sort of smile. An evil one of you asked Lance. “We've been looking to find a new trainer. We will pay you a hefty sum to teach these lowly’s proper etiquette.”

“Oh! Well, that's um--”

“Not gonna happen,” Keith spoke for the first time since the blue paladin’s entrance.

“Excuse me?” Amaranth lifted his head, surprised.

“H-he means we've overstayed our welcome!” Lance chuckled, trying to turn the rooms attention away from Keith. Which Keith was not letting him do.

“Yeah, we have. You said you’d let us leave.” Lance wished Keith’s tone wasn't so threatening. “My _master_ has business to attend to.”

“Really now?” The large, purple man stood. “Well, I can't simply let you leave, can I? Not after you've lied to me and impersonated an Imperial Officer. ”

“Ah, an Imperial Officer’s cousin, actually,” Lance added, ever so helpfully.

It was then things started to get out of control. Keith had somehow managed to grab hold of Lance’s bayard and pointed it at Amaranth. “I think you can.” He said in response to Amaranth’s conjecture.

Then, nothing. The bayard didn't transform into the gun like it usually did. It didn't even turn into a sword like Lance expected it to do.

“Why isn't it working? Did you break it?” Keith asked Lance.

“I didn't break it, it's just not yours!”

“Seize them, men!” Amaranth hollered. “I'll have their heads!”

“Let's run…” Lance whimpered, taking his bayard back.

“Yeah…” Keith said.

The blue bayard transformed into a gun, and Lance shot the remaining chain free of Keith’s neck. The red paladin then climbed over the couch, dragging Lance with him. He ran the opposite way Lance planned on going, slamming open a back room door before shutting it again and locking it. There were a dozen bangs on it, as guards pounded at it to get it open.

“What are you doing!?” Lance screeched. “Why are we back here!? We were supposed to _leave_!”

“We _are_ leaving!” Keith grunted, pushing a heavy looking table in front of the door. Lance started helping, not thinking of anything better to do than to block the door off. “But not without my _suit!_ ”

“Oh, fantastic!” They started running down the new hallway, and Lance wondered if they were underground or something. It was like this building was endless. “We're gonna die!”

“This is _your_ fault y’know?” Keith yelled back. Lance heard a loud crack behind them, meaning the Panderers men must've broken through the door. “I didn't even wanna come here in the first place, but you _had_ to go for your little walk!”

“Hey, it's not my fault! How was I supposed to know everyone on this planet thinks red is as unappealing as _I_ do!?” Lance defended.

“Oh, _please!_ Do _not_ try to pin this on me! _”_ They rounded a corner and Keith busted open another door. This one was a room filled with pillows and oils, with an entire wall lined with mirrors of different sizes. It was probably a makeup room, or whatever. At least Lance _hoped_ it was a makeup room. He couldn’t tell.

Lance shut the door behind them, silently cursing Keith for breaking it open. Talk about no subtly. It was going to be obvious they were in here. He looked around for something heavy to put in front of the door and settled on the bookcase to his left. There seemed to be a lot of useless things in here.

“Do you even _know_ where your suit is?” Lance hissed, though there was no need to whisper.

“I know they took it from me in here, so maybe it's still here,” Keith whispered back, opening drawers on a dresser. ‘Took it from me’? Lance was glad he was sparing the details. It was in that moment, the blue paladin noticed a vanity that appeared to have been sliced in half. No doubt a Keith touch to the room. The brunet could only imagine what it must have been like for the people who changed Keith. A fight with an angry cat, perhaps.

“‘Maybe’?” Lance repeated, “I don't know if you've noticed, but we don't have time for a _‘maybe’!_ ”

“I _have_ noticed!” Keith looked in the trash can under the vanity in the corner. Somebody thumped on the door.

“Oohhohoh--okay...Keith! Did you find it?” Lance was starting to panic.

“It's not here,” Keith said, quietly. He looked like he was thinking. “They must have taken it out to throw away…”

“Well, any idea how _we_ get out of here?” Lance asked, leaning against the bookcase to keep it from falling over from all the banging.

Keith started pushing the vanity underneath an air duct on the ceiling. “Transform your bayard and let me use it,” Keith said, holding out his hand for it.

“Are we seriously--”

“Lance!”

“Fine!” Lance reached for his bayard and it immediately transformed into his gun. He tossed it to Keith, who blasted the vent-door open.

“C’mon!” Keith said, throwing the bayard back to Lance. The blue paladin ran to where the vanity was and jumped into the vent after Keith. The red paladin helped him up, then reached down to shut the vent again, as though the blast marks were not a dead giveaway.

“Let's go.” Keith said, and started crawling past Lance before he stopped him. “What?”

“ _Please_ let me go first. I don't think I can take staring at your butt in that loin cloth for however long we’re gonna be stuck in here.” The paladin complained. Keith sat back on his heels with a deep sigh.

“Fine. Go.” Lance adjusted his position, trying to get his long legs around Keith without hitting him, all the while Keith grumbled, “So, so stupid, why does it even matter?”

“It matters, _Princess_ _Leia,_ because it just does.” He was glad he was facing away from Keith so that he couldn't see him blushing. Lance finally got into a crawling position and started forward.

“Princess-- _what?_ ” Keith snapped. “Oh my god, can you not right now, please? It's bad enough I have to wear this, let alone be compared to _Carrie Fisher_ , okay?”

“Oh, c’mon--it's a compliment!” Lance countered. “Carrie Fisher was _totally_ hot.”

“Are you calling me totally hot?”

“No! No…” Lance paused feeling like the silence was judging him. He sighed, “Subtly, yes...maybe a little…”

He heard Keith laugh lightly behind him. Lance was about to die. He had no idea _what_ compelled him to admit that. Maybe it was the kiss. But truth is, Lance always thought Keith was attractive. He just never expected to admit it before his deathbed, especially in a life-threatening situation.

They reached a point in the shaft where there was an option to go left. Lance looked down it and decided it best to continue forward, but Keith stopped him.

“Wait, look--down there,” Keith said. Lance backtracked into the part of the vent that went left (since he couldn't very well turn around) to see what Keith was talking about. “That's the lady that took my suit.”

“Are you sure? Do you think it could be down there?” The brunet asked. Keith shrugged, watching the little red lady exit the room.

“It could be.” The red paladin brought his feet up in front of him and kicked the grate open. He dropped down, almost silently, with Lance not far behind. “Check over there.” He whispered. Lance obliged, quickly sorting through a pile of tattered, red clothes. It kind of smelled, which really put him off, but it couldn't really be helped.

“God, if they're gonna get rid of this stuff why don't they? Alien stank...it freaking _reeks._ ” Lance mumbled before his hand ran into something hard. He dug a little more and found one of Keith’s gauntlets. “Hey, Keith! I think it's in here!”

Together they pulled out the remaining parts of his suit, though they did not find his bayard. Keith began promptly to put on to rest of his suit, suggesting that one of the guards might have his weapon. He discarded his Leia cosplay, which made Lance avert his eyes. He wanted to take a peek during the process but decided against it. He had seen maybe a little too much of Keith for one day.

“Okay, let's--” Keith started, but couldn't finish because, in that moment, the little red lady came back. And she screamed. Of course, she did. She ran back out of the room, no doubt bringing back the purple pimps army.

“Now what?” Lance asked, looking at Keith. Keith’s eyes shot up at the vent they came through. That was too high for them to reach. There were no windows, and the only door was the one that you could hear loud footsteps approaching.

“U-um…” Keith looked back at Lance, his eyebrows furrowed like he was out of ideas. Lance rolled his eyes, exasperated.

“I guess it's my turn, then. C’mere.” Lance grabbed Keith’s forearm and dragged him behind one of the giant washing machines. It was a bit of a tight squeeze getting the both of them back there, but they managed to fit between it and the wall. The position they were left in was hardly one Lance wanted to be caught in (with his leg between Keith’s and Keith’s arms caging his head), but he thought it would be better this way. For however little space was left between them, the less Lance had to worry about either of them being spotted.

Lance stuck his free leg out to snag one of the carts of laundry nearby. He dragged it in front of where they hid, and they slid to a sitting position behind it.

“This was your idea? _Hiding?_ ” Keith questioned, trying to adjust their position differently. He was sitting on Lance’s lap again, no doubt being reminded of how this went last time. Lance was thinking the same thing, and he hoped it didn't show on his face.

“Well, we need a plan, don't we? So we gotta stop and think for a minute!” Lance explained, “I'm not like you--I can't just rush into a situation without thinking! Now _shhhh!_ ”

Keith did indeed ‘shhhh’ for the sound of dozens of men in the laundry room could be heard.

“Search the area! They've gotta still be here.” One of them shouted. Lance was searching up and down for a way out. They could straight up fight everyone, but without Keith’s bayard, he wasn't sure how well two half-armed kids could do taking on a dozen armed men. They weren't armed with guns--just things that would _really_ hurt if you got hit. But even so, that would be a stupid plan.

“Lance…” Keith met Lance’s eyes, silently asking if he had thought of anything yet. Lance was about to say something when they heard heavy footsteps draw nearer. They both held their breath as the guard approached--a large snot-colored man came into view over the cart they hid behind. He had a bag of weapons on his back, and Lance wondered if he was like a pack-rat or something.

Suddenly, Keith sat up like a big-cat seeing its prey. Lance’s brow raised in alarm, trying to drag him back down when he saw what Keith was looking at. Hanging off the back of the guy’s weapon bag was Keith’s bayard. _Oh, great._

The red paladin stood up, ignoring his teammate’s silent pleas not to, and began reaching for his bayard. Lance knocked his head against the wall behind him, thinking for certain they were gonna get caught now.

The snot-man was preoccupied with another bin of laundry so he hadn't noticed Keith behind him. The black-haired reached, stretching out his fingers. When they grazed against the weapon, the man gasped. Keith retracted his hand, and it was at that point Lance was starting to actually turn blue. Hey, at least he and Keith might fit the bill a bit better.

“Hey, guys! I found my favorite pair of underwear in this waste bin!” Snot man said, and started around the cart. Keith’s eyes widened in panic and, with one last ditch effort, he reached out again, successfully grabbing the bayard, and yanking his arm back in, out of sight. “You didn't tell me you threw it away…”

Keith sunk back down with heavy breaths, sweat beading on his forehead. Lance was surprised the red paint that remained on his skin wasn't running. He wondered what kind it was. He hoped it wasn't permanent, otherwise, Keith would _never_ forgive him for forcing him on their little ‘in and out’ walk.

“Maybe that’s why it stinks so bad in here!” One of the guys retorted, earning a chuckle from the rest. “C’mon--that crazy ol’ red lady must've been seeing things. No one’s in here’s.”

Lance and Keith sighed with relief as silence once again befell the room.

“Okay, did you think of anything?” Keith asked, placing his bayard with his suit.

“Yeah, I think so...I remember seeing a huge drain outside the city that looked like it ran to a river. If we can find a way into that drain, I think we can get out faster that way.” Lance related.

“Okay, but any idea how? Are we gonna flush ourselves down a toilet?”

“No! Did you even _see_ all the laundry that’s hung-dried in here?” Lance snapped. Keith looked confused.

“Yeah..? So?”

“ _So_ there has to be a drain in here for all that water, right?” Lance tried to stand up, and, realizing Keith was still comfortably sitting on him, cleared his throat.

Keith tilted his head curiously, then finally realized what Lance was alluding to. “Oh, right, sorry…”

They freed themselves from their hiding space and Lance lead the way over to the laundry that hung on the lines. He saw a grating under a nearby ironing table, and pointed, “There! Let’s get out of here.”

Keith jammed the aperture open, and they both jumped down into the dark.

They landed with a splash, the light from their suits illuminating the path in front of them. A stream of water rushed past their feet and they followed it down the pipe.

Suddenly, Lance was hit on the back of the head. “Hey!” He assumed a weird fighting stance, thinking something was attacking him from behind. “What was that!?”

“It was just me, idiot,” Keith responded.

“Uhh, _why_?” Lance asked, defensively.

“Because this whole day sucked because of you.” The red paladin said, bluntly. “And we’re probably gonna get in trouble and never hear the end of it.”

“Oh, fantastic. Thanks for telling me.” The blue paladin pouted, rubbing the back of his head.

“But, y’know... _thanks_.” Keith turned to look back at the brunet, a soft smile on his face.  “I had fun.” Keith, without warning, leaned over and kissed Lance’s cheek, stopping Lance in his tracks. A huge, stupid grin grew on the brunet’s face.

“Really?” He said, a warm feeling growing in his belly.

“Yeah, but don't let it get to your head.” Keith sighed out a laugh. “I still hate you for this.” He pointed to his face, the red shade still evident even in the dim light.

“I don't know--I think it suits you.” Lance smiled. Keith rolled his eyes turning to continue down the drain, though Lance wondered if he was blushing under all that red color.

Suddenly, a loud clank echoed down the tunnel. They both froze, “What...was that?” Keith questioned, shakily. The deafening sound of rushing water followed shortly after.

“I think we should run!” The blue paladin cried, taking off in a sprint, dragging Keith with him.

They were too slow, however, to beat the large amount of water that chased them down the pipe, and were swept out of the drain forcefully. They emerged from the drainage outside, like Lance predicted, splashing into a small pond below.

Lance surfaced, gasping for air and spitting up water. He looked around for Keith, who he discovered was already on the shore. When the blue paladin joined the red, he croaked out, “Shortcut…”

 

* * *

 

They were finally back in their lions, all in one piece. Sunny had held onto both of their helmets and was waiting for them outside. Though, she said, she did not expect them to come out of the drain.

Lance had explained to her a while ago that he wasn't actually a high ranking man of the city, but was, in fact, a paladin of Voltron. She said she recognized the name and offered her help. Lance was grateful to her for her assistance in finding Keith and keeping track of their helmets, though he didn't really have much to give.

“Your gratitude is more that enough, great blue paladin.” She bowed with a big smile. And, with that, she headed back to the city.

“‘Great blue paladin’?” Keith questioned as they waved her goodbye.

“Okay, so I _maybe_ stretched the truth about the blue lion’s importance to the team…” This earned him a well-deserved punch in the arm.

And so, they were on their way home. Well, home enough for Lance. He kind of distrusted _harmless_ human-looking alien cities now. He was glad he got to go back to his friends--his own little family in the castle of lions where he’d happily stay with everyone. Yes, even with Keith. Maybe _especially_ Keith, now.

Lance grinned at the thought as they walked their lions back to the castle. “So. since we _kinda_ just _might_ be becoming a _sort of_ thing...I was thinking maybe I could _teach_ you a few more things, eh?”

Keith was silent over the intercom (perhaps a stunned silence), then, he finally said in a serious tone, “I'd rather kiss a Wookie.”

But Lance could hear the smile on his face.

 

**Author's Note:**

> BONUS
> 
> When they got back, the trees were turning purple--the sign of nighttime on this planet. They parked their lions back in their respective chambers and headed to the main deck where everyone was waiting for them.
> 
> Lance couldn't wait for the lecture to be over with quickly so he could have dinner and go to bed. He was exhausted and hungry and in no mood to be scolded.
> 
> Shiro was the first to step up to the plate. “Where have you all been!? I was worried sick!”
> 
> “I was too!” Hunk added.
> 
> “I wasn't.” Pidge cut in.
> 
> “We were all worried.” Allura stepped up next. “What you did was irresponsib--” She stopped upon seeing Keith, and started guffawing. Lance was...concerned, that's for sure, but Keith looked more than a little peeved at this reaction. “Coran! Coran, look!”
> 
> Coran walked up next to the princess and burst into a fit of giggles seeing Keith’s skin. “I th-think I know where we are now, Princess!”
> 
> “As do I!” Allura wiped a tear from her face, trying to calm herself. She took a breath and finally turned to face the rest of the group who were waiting for an explanation. “I think Lance and Keith have learned their lesson for today. And they’ll explain what it was over dinner, won't you?”
> 
> “Do we have to?” Lance drawled, rather annoyed.
> 
> “Yes, you have to. It's punishment for disregarding my wishes on being careful.” Lance and Keith groaned audibly.
> 
> ...
> 
> Allura’s word was good, and Lance and Keith were forced to retell their nightmarish journey on Planet Rugay, as they were told it was called. They retold it all the way up to their ride down the drain.
> 
> “So...how did you convince that Amaranth guy that Keith was your slave, anyway?” Hunk asked once the story was finished.
> 
> Lance and Keith exchanged looks, both of them apparently leaving out that little detail mindlessly. “Uhh…I don't remember. Do you, Keith?”
> 
> “No...no, I don't.” Keith took a bite of his food goo, not looking up. The red that stained his skin was still there and Allura said it would remain for a little while longer. It'd take a lot of showers to clean it all off. And knowing how much that boy liked showers, it'd be there for a while.
> 
> Lance turned back to everyone and gave them a shrug.
> 
> “Well, c’mon, it just happened today! You gotta remember!” Hunk insisted.
> 
> “Sorry, we just don't, okay?” Lance snapped, ignoring the heat growing on his face.
> 
> “This is a bit off subject, but, I'd like to mention that on different spots on this planet, there are other provinces where colors are seen in a different light.” Allura stated with a growing smile, “So on another part, red is the most respected color and blue is the least.”
> 
> “Oh, really?” Keith smirked over at Lance across the table. “Maybe we should pay them a visit.”
> 
> Lance’s eyes widened and he gulped down the food in his mouth, harshly. “No, thanks--I-I think I'm good.”  
> _____
> 
> IT'S DONE HALLELUJAH !!!
> 
> This took a long time--I started it back at the beginning of July and have been working on and editing it ever since. I think it's safe to say it's finally done, but, let's be real, is anything ever REALLY finished? no
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!! ^w^


End file.
